How can Family Therapy help families and individuals?

Many families come to therapy asking a very reasonable question:

“Shouldn’t they be the one in therapy?”

"Why do we all need to be involved?”

“They’re the one struggling — not the rest of us.”

Sometimes “they” is a child. Sometimes a teenager. Sometimes an adult son or daughter. Sometimes a partner, or an elderly parent.

And on the surface, that question makes sense. When one person is anxious, angry, withdrawn, or overwhelmed, it can look like the problem lives inside them.

But families don’t live in isolation. And neither do difficulties.

Problems Don’t Exist in People

In family therapy, we don't believe that people are the problme, so we don’t ask Who is the problem?

We ask What is happening between people?

Because emotional distress, conflict, and patterns of behaviour are always shaped by relationships — across time and across generations.

A child’s anxiety doesn’t develop in thin air. A teenager’s anger doesn’t appear without context. An adult child’s shutdown doesn’t come from nowhere. A couple’s conflict rarely starts with just one person.

Every family member influences — and is influenced by — everyone else.

This doesn’t mean anyone is to blame. It means everyone matters andeveryone is part of the solution to the challenges.

Why Individual Therapy Can Feel Helpful

Individual therapy can be deeply valuable. It offers space, privacy, and reflection. For many people, it is an important part of their healing.

I truely believe it strengthens the effectiveness of individual therapy when it's supported alongside family therapy. We don't live in isolation, and individual therapy whilst valuable only and mainly thinks about one person - and that's the person who's receiving therapy.

A young person may gain insight in therapy — but return home to the same dynamics. An adult may understand themselves better — but still feel stuck in old family roles. A couple may work on communication — but remain affected by wider family pressures.

Families often tell me:

• We’ve talked a lot, but nothing changes at home.

• I understand myself better, but the patterns are still there.

• Everyone’s trying — but we keep going round in circles.

  
  

When only one person is supported, the system around them stays the same.

And systems tend to pull people back into familiar patterns.

How is Family Therapy Different?

Family therapy recognises that change is more sustainable when it happens in relationship.

Rather than focusing on fixing one individual, family therapy looks at:

• patterns of communication

• emotional responses

• unspoken rules

• family roles and responsibilities

• beliefs passed down through generations

• how stress, fear, care, and love show up over time

• values, expectations, and relationships

This work applies whether you are:

• parenting young children

• navigating adolescence

• supporting adult children

• working through couple difficulties

• caring for ageing parents

• or holding complex, multi-generational relationships

or

• Navigating addiction

• Supporting family members with mental health difficulties

• working through loss

• caring for family members with physical disabilities

Family therapy helps people understand not just what is happening — but how it has been shaped, why it keeps repeating in the family and the impact it has on everyone.

In addition to this, Family Therapy Can Still Work if Only One Person Attends.

This is a question I’m asked often.

What if not everyone can come?

What if my partner won’t attend?

What if my adult child doesn’t want therapy?

Family therapy doesn’t always mean everyone is physically in the room.

Sometimes the work begins with one person.

What makes it family therapy is not who is sitting on the sofa — it’s how we think.

Even when I’m working with one family member, the therapy holds the whole family system in mind. We stay curious about the relationships around you — who matters to you, who influences you, who you are responding to, and who is responding to you.

We explore questions like:

• What might others in your family be thinking or feeling?

• How do different people experience the same situation differently?

• What roles have you been carrying in your family?

• What happens to the people around you when you change how you respond?

In this way, everyone is present in the room — even if they are not physically there. This is where family therapy becomes more powerful than individual therapy. When one person begins to understand the system differently and respond differently, the system shifts. Patterns soften. Conversations change. New possibilities emerge.

This is the gold of family therapy : holding multiple perspectives at once, staying curious rather than certain, and creating space for understanding where there was once blame or stuckness.

And often, when change begins in one place, others are bound to follow.

Family Therapy Is Not About Blame

Some people worry that family therapy means pointing fingers — especially parents, partners, or older family members.

That’s not what this work is about. Family therapy doesn’t ask, Who caused this?

It asks, who's most worried about the challenges at home? What does everyone thinkg about the problem? What would happen if the problem continues?

Across generations, families do the best they can with what they’ve learned.

Family therapy offers space to reflect, and find solutions — together.

Why This Matters For Families

When families are dealing with:

• anxiety or emotional overwhelm

• conflict or aggression

• neurodivergence

• trauma or loss

• breakdowns in communication

• long-standing relational patterns

Trying to fix one person often increases pressure — and unintentionally deepens disconnection.

Family therapy slows things down. It helps families step out of survival mode and see the wider picture — across ages, roles, and histories.

Family therapy is not about finding fault. It’s about creating understanding.

It’s not about taking sides. It’s about restoring connection.

And it’s not limited by age. From early childhood to later adulthood, families can change — when they are given the space to do so together.

A Final Thought

If someone in your family is struggling, the most helpful question may not be: Who needs therapy? But: How can we understand this — and move forward — together?

If your family feels stuck — whether you’re struggling with a child, a teenager, an adult family member, or long-standing patterns at home — you don’t have to navigate it alone.

I work systemically with families across generations to help you understand what’s really happening and find a calmer, more connected way forward.

👉 Learn more about working with me here.

Pei-I Yang